Seriously, shut the fuck up. You don’t talk shit about a dead teenage girl. That’ just wrong. ON FACEBOOK? WHERE HER MOTHER IS READING EVERY CRUEL WORD YOU ARE POSTING? REALLY. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.
I’m not going to kill myself, but if I were to, or were to die, this is what I’d want people to know.
Momma, I’m sorry that I’ve let you down. I’m sorry that I’ve gone from being that sweet, cute, precious little girl who loved you and made you so proud. I made good grades, I didn’t hide anything from you. Then I went to seventh grade. That was when that school really started to rip me apart. They hated me. They called me names to my face and behind my back. They said I was ugly. They said I was worthless. They said I shouldn’t even be alive. I’ve never forgotten it. Ever.
Daddy, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for even trying to put back together all the little broken pieces of me. And I’m sorry that I blocked you out. You were trying so hard. But I was too far gone.
Evan, wow. Eleven years you were my best friend. Maybe not as close in the last two as the beginning, but you were. You knew me. And you never made me feel worthless like everyone else at that school did. And that in itself means everything to me. You were the first person to really give a damn about me.
Rachael, I love you so much. You are my best friend. I can tell you anything. You’ve really been there for me. And you know what? You’re a really strong girl. You don’t want to admit it. But you are. Maybe you don’t see it, but you’re really beautiful too. And your sweet heart and your personality makes you even more gorgeous. If a stupid boy can’t handle your fireball of a personality, then fuck him. You’re too good for him anyway.
Alex G., you are one amazing guy. Since the fifth grade I’ve loved you and held you close to my heart. You’re so special. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve. Ever. You gave me standards. I compared everyone to you. No one has ever measured up. Just know that.
Tell everyone at my old school that I hate them. I hate every last one of them except for the ones I’m about to mention: Holly H., Jennifer W., Evan H., and Jonah L. Everyone else, you can all go burn in hell. No, no. Even that would be too good for you people. I wish I could skin you all alive, soak you in gasoline, and then set you on fire. You’re all sick, twisted, evil, demented bastards. Don’t ever even act like we were friends. If I don’t die and I do become a famous author - believe me, if I don’t die, I will- don’t ever ever ever ever tell your fucking kids that we were “friends” in high school. No. You tell them how you made me fucking feel. You tell them about all the nights I cried myself to sleep over the things you assholes said to me. You tell them about all the times I laid down and closed my eyes at night and hoped like hell I wouldn’t have to open them again in the morning. You tell them how fucking fucked up you are. You fucking tell them that. And when I die, I am going to haunt the fuck out of all of you.
Everyone at my new school: There are some of you that I don’t like. That’s a given anywhere. But most of you are amazing people. And you don’t ever need to change. I know you may hate that school, that town, that county. But there are worse places, like the place I came from. So be grateful for what you have. And know that you guys made me feel happy again. <3
So, I guess that’s it. Oh, and you better not play shitty ass music at my funeral. And don’t let any of the assholes from my old school come. Other than that, yeah.